DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
