I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
