i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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