god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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