She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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