Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
