is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
