All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
