So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
