I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
