Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
