new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
