this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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