If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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