i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Randomize
