Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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