I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
