Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
