you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
