census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
