How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
