god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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