His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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