I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
love makes seman taste better
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
