If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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