I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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