I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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