all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
