Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
