ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
