Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
this boner is exhausting
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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