just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
