I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
