So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
stop calling my apartment porn island.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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