youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
