Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Is it because I queefed?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
