I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
