How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
it hurts more in the daytime
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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