Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
