So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
that's an acceptable place to lick
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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