when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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