That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
