I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
