I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Randomize
