I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
