part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
