There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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