Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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