Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
