Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
