i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
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