Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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