Got a toothbrush?
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
