FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
