YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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