I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize