I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
