Kiss
Puke
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
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