I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
These tits shall not be calmed
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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