There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Don't tell me you're on acid again
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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