i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
