You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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