so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She bit a glass in half.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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