Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
