Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just had sex bonerless
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
