I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
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