it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wish I only lived at night.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Randomize
