is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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