I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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