giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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