Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
