how hairy? two words: wookie tits
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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