I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
