I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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