If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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