You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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