so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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