I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
