Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
