I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
